|
Always hope, never give up, don't let go
Can things improve? Will things actually get better someday, somehow? The short answer is yes there is hope, and yes things might improve. Does it feel like it though? Probably not; because when we are caught up in the emotional nightmare brought on by a DeadBEATmom, the suffering is ongoing and feels like it will never stop. The long answer again is yes there is hope and things might improve, but it may take a while and your children may not be the same when you see them again. Some fathers see their children but at great emotional expense to themselves; others are cut off from them altogether languishing in the pain of separation. As I spoke of on the My Story page, I was one who was separated from my child for a number of years due to the ongoing vindictiveness of my ex-wife. After her years of planning, lieing, undermining, putting me down etc. she finally convinced my daughter to stop coming to visit.
Even though I knew my ex-wife was working behind the scenes to push me out of the picture, through the pain and misery of knowing my daughter was being taught lies and other misinformation about me at her mother's home, before our separation I continued with my regularly scheduled visitation from the time of our divorce until my daughter was 12 1/2 years old when the separation began. It was hard on me, I imagine you know what I mean.
Anybody can give up, it's the easiest thing in the world to do. But, to hold it together when everybody else would understand if you fell apart and just gave up, that's true strength. ~Unknown
After a couple or few years of separation, I can't remember how long it was actually, my daughter wanted to see me again. I was overjoyed! As a matter of fact, she just called one day out of the blue and wanted to visit. With the joy and happiness there were sad and tragic consequences to our not spending time together though; just as the statistics bear out I mention in the "Did You Know" section on the "Sadly" page, my daughter wasn't the same and had gone through a lot. In a nutshell:
- She became pregnant at 16
- She had run away from her mother's home a few times
- She exhibited behavioral disorders, by cutting on herself
- She started to fail all her classes at school. Then she dropped out of high school and quit going altogether - much to her credit she received her GED though
- She became involved with meth, marijuana and alcohol
- She suffers from severe anxiety and depression
- She has a lot of inner anger and would fight with her mother - one time striking her
- She lost custody of her son to her mother - the DeadBEATmom. And it looks like my daughter (despite my teaching to the contrary) could be exhibiting DeadBEATmom traits herself towards the father of her son - this has to be a generational curse! And, I am truly taken aback by the strength of it
My ex-wife even began to be friendly to me again. She proved though that this could change at the drop of a hat, she could become that mean and vindictive ex-wife at any time with no warning. My advice to you is: never give up; always hope; if/when your relationship with your children is reestablished, should they exhibit any of the consequences I mention, accept them for who they are now as they were a victim in a game of madness just as much as you were. If you want to change your children back to the way they were before - or should I say help them, take it slowly and with love and support. Finally, should your ex-wife become friendly again - don't trust her.
Prayer was my biggest tool, it can be yours too. If it can happen to me, it can happen for you. I believe God is interested in the well-being of father-child relationships.
In the end, things are better than they were. But the days of love and happiness my daughter and I shared before our forced separation will never quite be the same. Yet, I will take this over that any day!
|
